“Looks like you had the perfect divorce”.... In the 3 months since The Decade After; Thriving After Divorce was published, I have heard those words a few times.
My divorce was nowhere near perfect because the people involved were not perfect. I tried to make the best of the situation but perfection was never the goal. The illusion of the perfect date/spouse/ partner, the perfect body, perfect kids, the perfect marriage or the perfect divorce is just that, an illusion. No situation is perfect just like Nobody is perfect.
When we assign the term “Perfect” to a person or situation, a few things can happen: 1. We can start to feel Inferior/suboptimal/ less than/not enough because we can’t live up to that “ideal”.
2. We become burdened with an unnecessary pressure to be/do something we are not/cannot do.
3. We don't fully enjoy life or live in the moment because we are focused on getting to perfect.
4 . It Can create in us a sense of chronic discontent which can make us envious or bitter.
It’s definitely no walk in the park being a woman, trying to juggle tons of stuff while raising the next generation. When you are going through a divorce , the last thing you need running through your mind is the myth of the perfect divorce. Just like every marriage is different and unique every divorce is unique.
Some Divorces can be amicable, better than most, not contentious, not bitter, not bloody or drag down crazy, but definitely never perfect.
So, do your best and leave the rest. Enjoy the small things and celebrate the Big and Little successes. You are not perfect, your marriage was not perfect, your divorce will not be Perfect and that’s OK. Life is never perfect; it’s not meant to be, it’s life.